Baby shit rivers

APRIL 22, 2007: One of the more disturbing sights i've had to witness so far. Luckily for you, i resisted the urge to photograph it, so you only have to deal with my description, which is of course but a midstrength relation of the true horror.

We emerged from a fast-food outlet in the city centre, fresh and sprightly after prawn-burger sandwiches, and what greets us in the streets? A girl of indiscriminate age, indiscriminately pulling down her pants and bending to fire a huge, spread-cheeked moon at us as she squatted to piss in the middle of the shopping mall.

What's worse, it was a very ugly piss that ran in numerous rivers over the arse to form a sort of piss-river delta that dripped down to contaminate an extra-wide area of public streetspace.

It seemed rather akin to how i imagine the Songhua River delta (officially "one of the most polluted rivers in the country") contaminating the sea up the Russian coast from Vladivostok.

There's a product here for that girl and her kind: crotchless pants. They're no custom-tailored creation though, oh no. Crotchless pants (to be worn without underpants) are disturbingly ubiquitous on children up to the age of about 5. Their specific purpose, in case you hadn't worked it out, is to allow young shit-machines to squat anywhere in the street with ease.

Now, i'm no marketeer, but i know a marketeer's dream when i see one. At least the consumers of this product don't flash brown-eyes at the street, only piss and shit on it.