Klongboats ahoy

The best thing about Bangkok for me so far is the insane klong (canal) boats, and not just because of the way they race across town unimpeded by the hopeless traffic, glimpsing it just often enough for the passengers to be reminded why they're putting up with the stench of raw sewage. And occasional sprays of it . . .

Most of the time the pilots of these public transport long boats will go flat out full speed (definitely pilots), creating massive chop that bounces from wall to wall in the klong, which is not at all wide. When they pass another boat going the opposite way (there's only one type of boat) they don't slow down, but rather accelerate headlong into the other's waves so as to stay on course and avoid being washed into this bridge pylon, or that house on stilts. The engine roars deafeningly, and being long boats they pitch only slightly but roll side-to-side alarmingly.

The skilfulness of the pilots is most amazing - the chop i'm referring to is bigger than the ocean on a stormy night, they never slow down for bridges, obstructions or corners, letting the tail slide round the corners, and their skill at docking is so extreme that when you reach your station the boat stops for literally less than 6 seconds (see the video if you doubt).

As alluded to above, the klongs are unbelievably filthy. Keith, with whom we rode these one afternoon wondered aloud how long the survivors of a sinking would have in the water before the canal's filth killed them. Turns out a famous Thai actor once tested this: he crashed his car into a klong and was rescued, only to die shortly after from a brain infection.


On Klong San Saap the waves from the boats have eroded the concrete walls, meaning opportunity for the poor people who quickly construct stilted houses on the swamp that forms outside the breached wall. Plumbing is, well, let's call it 'easy'. As a result of this each of the boats is equipped with tarpaulins, raised or lowered by ropes. So it becomes the responsibility of people sitting in certain critical seats to hold the rope. If they fail to do their duty, their fellow-passengers are liable to cop misty showers of poo water.

Apparently Bangkok used to be known as the "Venice of the East" because of its vast network of canals, but most have been made into roads for vehicles to make traffic jams on. There are several canals in the central Bangkok area, but crazily, while there used to be a network of boat routes, now only Klong San Saap has boats.