In the land of hard-knock manneuqin lives

August 21, 2008: Of all the southeast asian countries, I was probably least interested in Thailand but...the mannequins!

Having backed the big boys in the Vietnam War (US), and in WWII (Japan), and in the "globalisation era" (big business) you could forgive someone for concluding Thailand had been ruled by a succession of cowards. But even the briefest of open-eyed wanderings around its gargantuan 'Kok and it's clear that the Thai leaders have never lacked balls. Perhaps along the same lines as the Sikhs who are often here behind the wheel of Mercedes-Benzes.

The city's 20th century good fortune makes it somewhat of a monument to compromise. Or, as a Thai leader might put it, uncompromisingly doing whatever it takes to prevent a war on your territory.

For a start they the only southeast asian country that wasn't colonised. From all accounts the rulers were rather ingenious in the way they played the French against the British in their fight for survival. Sort of a reverse, "divide the conquerers". I'm keen to read up on a few of their tricks when my internet access improves.

You can see on any map how many old and ancient temples, palaces etc. there are in the old town. Funnily enough this is the part that is now overrun with foreigners, and despite this huge number of Australians and British in particular, i don't remember ever hearing anyone mention the incredible architecture of Bangkok - the gold-edged temples, elaborate patterned roofs, fields of spires. . .


I suppose that's because open-eyed wanderings are not a particularly common pastime here. There are many reasons i'm sure, some of which include (on behalf of the visitors) sloth, hangovers and intolerance to the horrific climate, and (on behalf of the city) 'toxic stew' air, swindling tuk-tuk drivers, and the low sloping canopies of tuk-tuks that make it impossible for anyone but the vertically challenged to see anything above the car bonnets. And it's the only place i've been where the air's so bad that it makes me constantly aware that i'm breathing it.

We came over the "Friendship Bridge" from Laos to Nong Khai about 3 weeks ago. Nong Khai was a fuckn boring small-town small town, modelled, it seemed, on low-income suburbs of Australia: wide, straight triple carriageway lined with giant signs for tyre-and-muffler and fast food chains housed 50m back from the road in prefab square concrete barns. Follow the sign to 'Tesco' and there awaits a mall that might as well have been called "Westfield Nong Khai". From the scorching, treeless baking-tray carpark to the queues at the checkout, i was back in the desert belt of Perth. It even had the mall-for-the-masses smell, canned air with a twist of donuts and the toxic overtones of non-toxic packaging.

But maybe i wasn't looking hard enough for the interesting details, afflicted as i was by some severe allergic reaction to, apparently, Thailand (it began the first morning i woke up here). Fiery spots were breaking out anywhere where clothing would touch the skin. I also happened to have an unrelated flu and fever that tended me towards an internet based self-diagnosis of scarlet fever. Later, in Bangkok, i found that many foreigners have this problem when any of various insects bites them, and that there's a simple treatment, but the Nong Khai hospital staff evidently weren't at all familiar with it, and it took 4 visits over 40 hours, including blood tests for liver function etc etc, before they finally gave me something to quell the blaze that by this time had engulfed about a quarter of my surface area.

Wah. After a few days we were on our way to Bangkok, taking the local train to Nakhon Ratchasima, through the Issan countryside, from some large percentage of the rice on the world market comes. Pretty gorgeous country, with cool clouds too.




Ratcha is another town that encourages tourists to come and see what's outside the town. Aside from that, all I can say that i have proof the Master of Delicious resides here,


and that 35 degrees and 85% humidity is high-neck sweater, long tight jeans and beanie weather for some.

We took another train to Bangkok, which is where about 1/5 of the whole Thai population lives. This one was the aptly-named "Ordinary Train". Indeed the seats were really just hard wooden benches but hell, it had windows and the price certainly wasn't ordinary. In fact, the whole journey from the Lao border to Bangkok cost us just over $3. And the only reason we paid at all for our journey on the Ordinary was being foreign - it is actually free for Thais.

It's part of Thailand's extremely relaxed attitude to train travel: the Thai rail network is relaxed on arrival and departure times, and very relaxed on train maintenance. The complete absence of any fencing means people and animals are free to wander or have a nap on the tracks, and trains roll through people's back yards. Close to Bangkok it's even ok to build your house in between two tracks, upon which your children can play, moving deftly aside to allow occasional giant slicing-wheels to roll past.



The railway sleepers all appear to be of the ancient wooden type, and plenty that look pretty rotten. Judging by the frequent sideways jolts all the way from Ratcha to the big smoke, they're pretty relaxed about that too.


The northeastern approach to Bangkok is adorned with the remains of a failed 1990s Skyrail project: hundreds, probably more like thousands of these giant concrete gravestones. It goes on for more than 10km and makes for a rather surreal welcome, especially when viewed out the always-open back door of the train.




And what's with the billboards? Not billboards on buildings - though those are in abundance too, mainly with giant images of the royals - but thousands of huge alien structures erected to create advertising space from bare earth. The target is the attention of drivers on the elevated motorways that criss-cross the city about 5 storeys up. As the city is relatively low and sprawling these towering metal-mesh frames perched on huge concrete trunks dominate the landscape. And about a quarter don't even have any adverts and so just stand there looking like giant space aerials, or something, maybe climbing frames for ogre children. Not even advertising and propaganda-infused China has this many, or on such a massive scale.

Actually from what I've seen I think Thailand is just about as saturated in propaganda as China, all of it directing adoration towards the King and family. I don't know if that's been the case since forever, but all the posters look very new and it might have something to do with the 2006 junta's reliance on the King's support.

Thailand's relative wealthiness compared to its neighbours is famous. But coming from China and Laos, the severe poverty of Thailand's poor has surprised me. The shanty towns i've seen in Bangkok aren't huge like the ones in India we see photos of, but they're there, clinging to the canals and railways - wherever the space to build a house is free (or is created by you with stilts).

There are, it appears, thousands of destitute and homeless beggars, although those staking out the Khaosan Road area probably do very well for themselves indeed. But the (migrant) workers' dwellings i've seen on construction sites look much worse than those in China. Many do not even have doors.

And then the boys arrived...senses duly dulled, 3 days of typical depraved Khaosan antics followed. A precious 3 days indeed which, funnily enough, when i try to remember what we actually did, i can only remember 1.) Yim; 2.) The Screening of Irish Jim from the Target of the Dogslut's Attentions; and 3.) One-ear Simon, Chivalrous Hater of Nazis, who will be dealt with in another place.

Photos of Bangkok and other Thailand